Awwww, pregnancy! 40 weeks of pure joy that every woman just raves about, right? Ha! It’s month after month of crazy side effects, pains, cravings, emotions, and ungodly changes to our bodies. In a perfect world, a very pregnant woman should have 10 men waiting on them hand and foot, I say! But since this not a perfect world, some women like myself experience it solo, and witness firsthand how having a partner is so incredibly handy during this time. Here are the top struggles pregnant women face when they go through pregnancy without a partner.
1. Hormone Mania When Pregnant Without a Partner
Can you say crazy raging hormones? Can you say crazy dreams that turn you into a sexual predator while simultaneously making you question your sanity as a human being? I CAN! If there is ever a time in a woman’s life that she needs sex, IT WOULD BE NOW! Having a partner nearby would be very very beneficial, and I am pretty sure there would not be a peep of complaining coming from him. Without that man nearby, the best option is to have Magic Mike on repeat and plenty of AAA batteries in stock. This is DEFINITELY a struggle for those pregnant without a partner!
2. I am Beautiful, Darn it!
When you’re pregnant, let’s face it – you feel like an ugly fat cow. Yes, there are those women (who I’m convinced are aliens) that find pregnancy just glorious, but for most us, it is NOT a cute time in our lives. So any sort of compliment, even one about how nice a new pregnancy mole looks against the moonlight, will go a long way. Will we believe you? Heck No! But it is better than not getting any type of reassurance whatsoever from the male species. Without a partner, it is time to become resourceful! I have a video of Ryan Gosling saying nice compliments to the camera (cough) I mean me, on replay. It suffices.
3. Massages When Pregnant Without a Partner
Talk about aches and pains! Your back, your neck, your elbows, EVERYTHING hurts! A partner is needed to be at home by your side to rub your feet and massage those pregnancy pains away. Without a partner, I have resorted to paying some man at a Chinese reflexology place to massage me every Friday night. It’s pretty rough, so still debating if he is really massaging me or trying to kill me.
4. Emotional Support Without a Partner
Pregnancy has got to be the most emotional time for any woman making some extra emotional support desirable more than that extra support in her bra. A shoulder to cry on and a white T-shirt to get mascara all over. Having a partner to help ease and relate to all the worries running through her head is essential to staying relatively sane while pregnant. Without that partner, well, I have my amazing dog Daisy? She might be technically deaf, but hey! She looks empathetic 🙂
5. Shaving When Pregnant
Yeah, pregnancy hormones just love to help your hair grow even more when it becomes physically impossible to reach it! Trying to reach different body parts to shave when you haven’t seen them in weeks can be very tricky. A partner is needed to assist with proper aim and execution when it comes to, you know, not turning into a gorilla! Otherwise, all you can do is just cross your fingers and hope for the best!
6. Wearing Shoes When Pregnant
Putting shoes on during the last trimester is impossible with a beach ball for a belly and feet that have swollen up 2 shoe sizes. Don’t get me started on the ankles! A loving man is needed to help place shoes on each clown foot, tie up those laces and strap those straps! Without that partner, it is slip-ons only my friends!
7. Getting out of Bed When Pregnant
What is really needed in the morning is yes, coffee, of course, but before the coffee is a big old shove! Someone to help push up big-bellied pregnant ladies up and out of the bed. Trying to lift your body with a 10 pound weight on your stomach plus only god knows how much more weight around body parts is such a bother. A partner is needed to give that helpful PUSH UP, and OUT WE GO!! All alone I just roll over like a wiener dog. Forget Jesus! This struggle seriously makes me ponder, “What Would Santa Clause Do?”
8. Cravings When Pregnant Without a Partner
Chicken and hazelnuts? Chocolate and sour cream? Yup, cravings are legit and the struggle is real while you are spread out comfortably in your bed, when all of a sudden you MUST have sour patch kids in your mouth! A partner is needed to go fetch these sugary treats at a drop of a hat because once a pregnant ladies mind is fixed on something, that is it! Deprived of a partner, I just have to convince myself I do not need my cravings. I do this by putting my face down to my chest and strumming all my double chins with my index finger.
9. The Floor When Pregnant
After 30 weeks or so a war begins between a pregnant lady and the floor. The floor is the worst enemy! Dropping things becomes the ultimate annoyance because unless you are some sort of pregnant ninja, it is nearly impossible to pick it back up. At this point in time, I have surrendered my flag. Without a partner’s help, what falls on the floor stays on the floor until it decomposes or my dog eats it.
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