When you become a mother, you know your life is forever…. sleepless? enhanced? warped, but clearly in a good way!? But what you don’t realize are these little ways motherhood changes your behavior.
Social Media Crazy Love!
Before you are a mom, your ratio of just viewing social media post to liking them was considered normal. But now, you are out of control. This is either because you are a stay at home mom where you live on social media more than usual.. orrrr you just feel left out from the world since you no longer get invites to the bar or weekly swinger party. Moms like social media posts 20,000 more times than any other demographic (I totally made up that statistic but I am pretty sure it’s correct).
New Convenient Parking?
Screw getting first row parking at Target or the grocery store, it is all about the sexy spot right next to the cart rack. This spot makes placing that heavy oatmeal eating machine toddler into the cart asap instead of carrying them for 5 minutes. The cart rack spot is really the real VIP parking.
Bring on the Chicken Nuggets
Before you would have never even looked at store bought frozen “chicken” nuggets. Chicken frozen in weird shapes? No thanks! But now, yeah.. chicken nuggets are like holy water, you worship them for making your kid happy while also not breaking your wallet.
Laughing with a Wet Surprise
So you know.. when you think something is funny, but you kinda try not to laugh too hard because you are not wearing your “laughter leak protection?” Peeing when you laugh is definitely one of those behaviors we didn’t choose on purpose 😉
You have maybe never been bothered by someone not opening a door, but now that you push around this tank of a stroller it’s TOTALLY NOT cool. Trying to open up every door that says push but really means pull, with a 2-year-old ticking time bomb, oh I am officially bothered!
Baby Crazy Liking!
Oh a picture of a baby on a boat, like! A picture of a toddler eating grass, so cute, double like! A picture of someone you don’t even know with a baby on a boat, like! Or in real life it is staring at the baby in the booth next to you at Denny’s. Your ovaries’ behavior are forever changed once you become a mother.
Where is the Changing Table?
What are you supposed to do if your baby did a stinky while you are out and you go to the ladies room to find no changing table? I mean, come on! So when you don’t have it, and you have a crying baby that needs their diaper changed, you are officially like, screw it, give me any surface! Restaurants need to watch out for what they think is chocolate but really is my son’s digested love smeared onto your precious counter.
The Mom Bun
Yeah… once you are a mom you realize you have no time for yourself which means there is no more taking 2 hours to do your hair. Put that shit up in a circle on top of your head and you roll with that circular mess.
So before being a mom you never thought of the strange chance that a sloth stuffed animal could potentially suffocate someone, or that your child could climb 2 feet to jump out of their crib. Now all of a sudden you are paranoid about everything because you are a officially a freaking worrywart.
It doesn’t matter if your baby is 3 months old or 3 years old, there is this thing we ladies do called the sway. It happens when you are just standing waiting and your body just starts.. well, swaying! It is a natural instinct so you don’t even realize you are doing it until someone asks if you have to pee.
Late all the Time
Even if you have always been a super punctual person, that all ends the second you pop a baby out of your vagina. The ability to show up on time is like some type of fairy tale. Whether it’s a dirty diaper, a tantrum or your kid got his head stuck in the toilet, time management is forever changed once you are a mother.
9 PM Bed Time
Any night you say you are gonna go out for a few hours.. yeah.. that hour now starts at 6 pm instead of 9 pm. If I am not home in my PJ’s by 10 pm I seriously start getting the shakes!
What other daily behaviors would you add to the list?
<3 Hot Mess