Hostel Life in Australia – JUST SAY NO TO THE GOON!!!!!

Every day begins quite the same way now – waking up looking for my local drug dealer.  All day long I go up to random people on street corners, behind cashiers,  at the bars asking…

“Psssst…Psstt.. Do you know where can I find some wifi? Freeee wifi? You know, the goooood stufff????

As this is not quite exactly a drug deal, it definitely feels like I am on the search for something that is extremely rare and hard to come by, and you have to “know” someone to know the good wifi spots are found. Most free wifi down here is slower than our dial-up back in the states and I have already racked up over 300 bucks in charges for data down here, freakin nuts!


Many friends and blog followers have requested more information on hostel life. What is it like living in a hostel? Are hostels safe? Are hostels fun?

Okay…. Hostel Time!

Hostel Room AKA Roachville

Our hostel rooms are ridiculously small, and no I still have not unpacked my suitcase.  I sleep on the very top bunk which is both dangerous and a big inconvenience, but it’s moving up! I slept on a friend’s floor for a month, then upgraded to my mom’s couch for a month, now the top bunk! Floor-> Couch -> Top Bunk. I am Literally moving on up!  Anyways, any slight movement and you wake up the person below you and vice versa on these damn prison beds made for stick figures my 5-year-old nephew draws. Once I am up on that bunk bed, there is no coming down for me until the morning when the boys go to work. (Yes, I do hold my pee until the morning).  I sleep with 95 percent of my stuff on my bed with me which causes an iPhone charger or eyelash curler to poke at my butt from time to time.  I try to put a wall up of my stuff on the side where I can very easily plunge to my death because I swear that bed is made for one of Santa’s Elves. NO ONE FITS ON THESE DARN THINGS. One slight move to the wrong slide and Hot Mess will officially have a whole new meaning!


 Sleep… someone refresh my memory on what this is again???

Without the help of earplugs, Tylenol pm and adding a mentally exhausting day, sleep is just not happening! At least not for me. The hostel is supposed to be quite by 10 pm each night but that is just the dumbest thing. These kids drink all day then are just supposed to shut up at 10? buhahaha. Come on! Get real management! There are always weird and loud noises coming from the walls and windows.Every night I hear

Every night I hear ALL of the following:

  • The sounds of guys either peeing or puking – I usually wait until the end and wait for either a coughing noise or the “shake” drips to deduce which it was.
  • The sounds of mattress springs bouncing up and down rhythmically – or lack thereof rhythm, poor girls   :/
  • The sounds of either the Germans or the Italians yelling? fighting? laughing? I don’t know what the heck they are doing in their room but is is loud as FU@$K!
  • Snoring or loud breathing noises coming from somewhere in the room, I can never tell which mouth it is coming from. I do this move where I drop an article of clothing, such as a light jacket -something heavy enough to kinda of wake them but not too loud where they freak out. It usually does the trick 🙂

I haven’t really slept like a normal human being in weeks.  With the constant findings of small crawling creatures in our beds and the above noises, I am always wide awake in bed just praying that whatever that was just that skimmed my thigh was just one of my random objects keeping me company, and not a hostel roach trying to get frisky :/


I lay in bed, like this… yes exactly like this…Every.Damn.Night.

Meet the Residents!


This hostel is much different than the one I previously stayed at due to its more party atmosphere and the fact everyone literally lives at the hostel. There is about a group of 20 kids that have been at this hostel for at least 3 months, many much longer.  The majority of them are between the ages of 20 and 25 (most 19 and 20), being a strong mix of British, German, Czech, Irish, Canadian, Brazilian, Dutch, and Italian (this hostel represents! What!What! All of the younger ones live to party, I mean, they work so they have money to buy booze and pay rent. That is about it. This is their Working Holiday Visa. Work to Holiday. They are very carefree and fun, reminds me a lot of myself when I was that age.

They all have many nicknames for me such as:

California– what most of the Brit males call me

America – Most commonly used by the majority

Canada – What the Irish call me because they KNOW IT MAKES ME MAD!

Mother Canada– When I am telling everyone to put their damn clothes back on and go to bed!

Meine Liebe – The Germans nickname when they are sober, once drunk they say other dumb crap forgetting that I understand a good amount of German. Once again my German roots are coming in handy – Go team Mother’s side of the family!!


The Partying

Pretty much, from the moment these guys wake up to the moment they are going to sleep they are up on the deck partying. When asking about the hangovers the next day and how they survive, they simply say, ” WE JUST STAY DRUNK = NO HANGOVER”. Awwww yes, I remember those days, for me now it takes a whole week to recover from one night so my days of partying are very numbered, well they have been very numbered for a while now so I guess my days are in the minus numbers? Anyways,  Let me show you what goes on here.

Let’s begin with the Goon!

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“What the heck is Goon?” – I asked a British friend a few months back when he described a crazy night. “Ohhh the gooon… One cannot know the goon without experiencing the Goon!!!” – he replies in a very creepy way.

Well he was right, very very VERY RIGHT! Goon is what most of the younger kids and or broke people will drink to get drunk. Alcohol is very expensive out here, I am talking 50 bucks for a small bottle of stupid Smirnoff, most bottles of anything we would spend about 20 bucks back home is about 80 here. Keeping that in mind, no one wants to pay that when they are broke backpackers or students staying in these hostels, so instead the buy THE GOOOON. The Goon is simply just a huge thing of boxed (bagged) wine that you can buy for super cheap. 10 dollars will get you enough booze to have a  good 30 drinks or so from it, so it is pretty much the only thing you will find at these hostels.

I tried The Goon the second night at the hostel as I walked by them playing Goon Pong, it tasted like crap and I thought to myself…there is no way anyone can ever get drunk of this stuff, taste like apple juice… haha. FML. I am not sure if it is the cheapness of the wine, the larger quantity that everyone drinks, or if it is laced with some crazy shit, LIFE ON THE GOON IS WEIRD.

That night after I drank it my roomies told me I woke up in the middle of the night sleepwalking and talking to myself for a good 20 minutes as they just sat there laughing at me because they knew it was the Goon talking. Well, after a horrific hangover the next day, I declared my days of Goon short lived and done.

I TRIED THE GOON. I DRANK THE GOON. I WAS ON THE GOON. NOW I AM DONE WITH THE GOON. I haven’t touched it since, stay away from it!!!I bet half of my friends back home have not even reached this far into the post because they are already in line at the store buying this shit 🙂

I haven’t touched it since, stay away from it!!!I bet half of my friends back home have not even reached this far into the post because they are already in line at the store buying this shit 🙂



Most of the time is all spent playing pool, screwing around and playing music. We BBQ, one of my roomies has his Dj equipment so everyone just dances around, drinks and has a jolly old time.  For every friend here I have one exactly like them back home. They make me miss my old crew :/ All Day and night they play drinking games: Goon Pong (like beer pong), Strip Poker, Kings Cup, Moose, Tennis.  I am constantly telling people to put their clothes back on.

I am the clothes Nazi as they call me.

Uh, I am sorry!  But I do not want to see a 20-year-old boy’s pee pee thank you very much!

Then they play “Spin the Wheel”. I NEVER Never play this with them, they get mad and give me shit, but hey.. ummm I do not want to participate in any of these spots the wheel would fall on.. do you blame me?


Touch a penis for 2 seconds, get nude????? Yeaaaa.. I think I am ok guys!! 

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Below are a few short, really really really really REALLY bad videos I took. I will never figure out how to take videos right on my stupid phone, and being on the Goon does not help! I apologize in advance. Prepare for disaster:

Hostel Clips One

Hostel Clip Two

Hostel Clip Three

So that’s pretty much life at the hostel! Pret tay Pret tay Pret tay…. good huh? lol Being older and no longer in this stage of life, also being brand new to the country and still in the “Dora the Explorer” mode, I have spent very very little time at the hostel. I have drunk with them 2 nights, and every other night I am a grandma reading in my room, or out exploring the city.  I can’t walk by the kitchen without someone yelling CANADA GOOOOON BALLLLLL, so I always plan my getaway in advance, they can be tricky!

Instead of partying, I have been trying to pick up some Italian and better my German. So far, no bueno. 🙂 If this was 10 years ago, I would be having the time of my life with these awesome foreigners. But its not. I have goals in the next few years of finishing my MBA, moving forward with my career, and maybe even popping out a baby or two with a guy I can like for more than 3 weeks. None of these things even cross these kids mind’s yet, as they shouldn’t!!! You can never be old and wise unless you are young and crazy right!?!

I love them all. We are one big family, with my role being the bratty older sister the majority of the time. I am learning a lot about life, and about myself through this hostel experience. These people are enriching my life in many ways, and I cannot thank their drunkin Gooned up butts enough for it.

“The woman who follows the crowd will usually go no further than the crowd. The woman who walks alone is likely to find herself in places no one has ever seen before.” – Albert Einstein

<3 Hot Mess

Sunset over the Bridge
Manly Beach
Hello beautiful
Free Bird
Just look! Beauty is everywhere 🙂
Opera House Sunset
War Memorial Hyde Park
A little girl is missing her shoe! 🙁
Beach Bums
Football!!! (Soccer)

Click here to view full photo album


  1. I love reading your blog. You know the best thing about goon is, when the wine runs out you can blow up the bag and use it for a pillow.

  2. Good luck with the flat searching. I don’t think I could stay in a hostel that long.

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