When it comes to dating these days, crazy can be found at the end of every text and every bar corner. Though there is good crazy (like myself.. duh) there is also really, really bad crazy. Like it is time to move out of town because they know where you live, bad crazy. I think knowing how to avoid the bad crazy is very important, you know, so you don’t get like murdered or become a special Dateline?
Here are some ways to know if your date is crazy by the first date.
Though this is the stereotype of all stereotypes… Ummm yeah.. the more cats, the crazier. A couple of cats, ok, low on the crazy spectrum. But 10 cats? RUNNNNN. Cats only care about you changing their litter and eating your pet fish for afternoon tea. If your date lives with more than a few of these creatures, they might like torture and abuse in the not so fun way, instead of the “fun kinky fishnets and heals” way.
Anyone who orders a salad on a first date or a Mcdonald’s burger, crazy. No one really loves ordering a salad when presented with a menu of delicious delights. It doesn’t matter if they are worried about looking cute while eating, your judgement if they order a chunk of meat, or if they genuinely dream of ordering 30 dollar salads when they get ready.. cr cra crazyyy.
Order that damn steak, crazy!!
The Crazy Cabinet
Hey, we all have some goodies prescribed to us from time to time to treat that sleeping issue, recurring hemorrhoid, or you know, just life! But if you check the medicine cabinet looking for a Ricola and find a full-blown pharmacy on two shelves… Run!! Runaway and run fast, but also make sure to take all the good stuff on your way out, of course.
Guh the biggest. If you talk to your Uber driver or stand up to ask the waiter where the restroom is and your date goes insane with jealousy. Erm, run. Only crazies are possessive on the first date. I mean, just wait till they meet your really hot doorman.
What someone decides as their phone screensaver says a lot about that person. Cats? Harry Potter? A swastika? Hannah Montana? Make sure to discretely take a glance at their screen while they freshen up in the bathroom. If a picture of Hitler shows up, you probably do not want to order that next round of drinks.
Two things here. First, anyone who complains about leaving a tip or doesn’t know how to tip, crazy. The only exception is if your date is from a foreign country, let it slide, NOT crazy. Second, and more importantly, anyone that does not round up the tip to the nearest whole number… CLEARLY INSANEEEEEEE 🙂
If you are having a good time, yet your date gets down in the dumps every time you leave to go to the restroom or take a business call outside, crazzyyy. Only crazies get emotionally upset about this on day one. Normals just take advantage of that time to check their email and Tinder messages, duh.
Bathroom Vanishing Act
Anyone who takes multiple trips and for more than a few minutes to go to the bathroom is just all sorts of crazy. Either they are having fun with lines on the toilet or the toilet is having fun with lines coming out of their bum bum. Unless you are at some spicy Moroccan restaurant on your date, no one needs more than 3 mins on the porcelain throne and definitely not more times than your waiter comes around for fresh ground pepper.
If having a difference in opinion on a topic or just having a normal convo and they get ridiculously mad.. Run. Normals can agree to disagree or at least talk out their opinions without having them stomp their foot on the floor like a 5-year-old.
It doesn’t matter if you are both very compatible, anyone who already is talking about getting married, naming your unborn kid, or picturing retirement in Florida playing bingo .. no-no. Crazy!!! Date by date, crazies will tell you how the rest of your life is gonna play out even before you got a chance to order your freaking garlic bread.
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