Welcome back to the final full stop in my SEA Adventure!
After my time in Bangkok left me with my ass completely kicked, I was now on my way to Phuket for yet some more Thailand craziness. I made no plans for the next 4 days other than to go to the doctor to fix my oh so ever deteriorating health.
Oh, and of course scarf down as much Thai food as my stomach could possibly handle 🙂
On a mission to get some culture in me as well as some yummy food, I enrolled in a 3 hour cooking class at a local Patong Beach restaurant called Pum’s Thai. Myself and an American couple from Hawaii sat through a very educational ingredient and tasting lesson while sipping on some delicious Thai beers.
Yummm, the night is already starting tasty!
And cooking is also better when there is dancing involved and you get to creep out everyone in the restaurant.
We spent the last hour in the kitchen putting our new cooking skills to work. Some chillies here and some coconut milk there.
I was a lean mean Thai cooking machine!
After all the hard work we sat down and got an hour to enjoy our delicious creations while sharing some good old American culture.
Tinder Date in Patong Beach
For my last night, I decided it was time to revisit my old dear friend, Tinder.
With the first swipe to the right I matched with a Brazilian guy who was traveling through SEA with his equally hot brother. Standing 6 foot tall with devilish handsome good looks I figured there is no way this match could go wrong. Could he speak English? ehhh.. not reallyyyyyy…. but frankly, that skill is not really that important when you are still single over the age of thirty…
After a few strong drinks we headed down the main street of Patong Beach for some fun. Outdoor bars with pole dancers at every corner and girls dancing naked on tables (or at least I think were girls).
This place was crazy.
Talk about Cancun spring break on steroids but with extra body parts hiding underneath skirts.
Throughout our walk, random guys kept coming up to us saying, “ping pong ping pong”.. and I am like,”ping pong yeahhhhh cool but not in the mood to play, thanks”.
Little did I know they were not referring to the game but instead the Thailand speciality of the famous ping pong show. Because I am way too curious for my own good, I kinda maybe sorta forced my date to go in with me to see what it is all about.
Plus it was raining! It just made sense 🙂
We walked into the very very back part of a club. The part where people usually get murdered or stuffed into a trunk, I’m sure. They opened the back door to reveal a scene that reminded me of most strip clubs or private male bars. Or so I have heard…
We sat down and ordered a drink from an overly touchy naked woman before the lights shined upon the stage With rave music and lights blaring, a slightly overweight naked girl started moving around the stage showing ping pongs in her hand. Waving in it front of people like some type of stripper magician, while trying to get their attention as if she was going to serve the ball. She then inserted the ball inside her lady bits and plopped it out before it bounced on the floor and got served to someone nearby.
This umm.. unique form of ping pong went back and forth that went on for 20 minutes before a second girl came to stage with an empty fish bowl. She placed it on the floor and seconds later goldfish started dropping out of her hooha into the bowl. They were still alive and swimming free as if they weren’t just stuck in that baby cannon for over 10 minutes!! Then, a 3rd girl came out and stuck a cigarette in there and started smoking it!
Yes, she literally had a smoking vagina.
I am telling you people, you have not seen it all till you have gone to a ping pong show.
So it is safe to say ping pong is officially ruined for life for me and like usual, I think I scared the shit out of my Tinder date?
Phi Phi Islands
I lucked out with at least one good day without any rain so I booked an island hopping trip. We took a big ferry out to Monkey Island to snorkel and relax on the beach. I snorkeled alright, but also somehow became the swim instructor to 89 percent of the tourist on the trip, as they didn’t know how to swim! It was a great way to make some friends while saving lives.
That’s right… Michelle, the hero.. has a nice ring to it yah? 🙂
After our swimming excursion, we continued on forward with Phi Phi island for some delicious food and photos. There were so many tourists on the beach it was a bit difficult to enjoy but it was impossible not to admire its beauty.
Overall my trip to Phuket gave me a little bit of everything. Culture, beach, friends, food and of course ping pongs.. It is a one-stop place having something for everyone, no matter what type of holiday you are after!
And please, let’s all take a moment to worship some of the best curries I have EVER had the pleasure of eating.
This finally wraps up my SEA adventure throughout Singapore, Langkawi, Bangkok, and Phuket. I had an amazing time and made some wonderful memories. Well, minus the part about getting my laptop stolen, and oh.. that other part about getting a horrible ear infection.. oh and the day I thought I was going to die after partying in Bangkok. But, that is what travelling is all about! The good and the bad, the planned and the unexpected. These moments all make up these amazing life learning experiences we gain from getting out of our comfort zone and seeing the world.
Because at the end of the day.. travelling will always be the single best gift you can give yourself.
<3 Hot Mess
If you need more SEA inspiration for your next trip, take a look at this 8 day adventure!