When you are single after having a baby, jumping back into the “swiping and ghosting” game of dating apps, a land where spelling mistakes make a bigger impact on your interest than their potential moral compass…Yeah, dating sucks!
But once you actually get one, this is how to prepare for a date after having a baby.
CLEAN OUT YOUR PURSE
Make sure to remove the backup ziplock bag of goldfish from your evening clutch and replace it with some sexy lipsticks and perfume. Also, remember to remove any pacifiers or candy from the outside pocket before he gets the impression your next date will be at a rave.
DATING AFTER HAVING A BABY MEANS A PUSH-UP BRA
If your boobs look anything like mine, a push-up bra will help make your lopsided bean bags look more like those normal boobs you once had. No one needs to know your boobs look like a Picasso underneath your shirt. Even them out, plump them up, and show off the girls like your kid didn’t suck the life out of them. Dating after having a baby means being crafty with that one boob.
HIDE BABY BATH TIME
If you bring him home the odds are he will have to use your toilet at one point or another. Firstly, if you have a potty trainer on your toilet… yeah… hide that, please? Also, clean up all the dinosaur toys inside the bath and remove the “I am a big boy” towel from the rack. I think being surrounded by rubber duckies while freshening might be a bit intimidating.
I know after having a baby leg hair is now a part of your soul since you only shave once every 6 months, but if you are going out with a man where there is a possibility of a leg graze, your fur coat has got to go! Dating after a baby means waxing, Nairing, and getting your kitchen scissors ready. Tarantula legs should not be a thing.
HIDE THE GRANNY PANTIES
As much as granny panties are a hero for hiding your mom butt, they need to be buried deep in your closet before going on a date. Stick them all under those cute dresses you had to have that you have never worn and put on some of that sexy momma butt floss.
CLEAN UP YOUR HOUSE
Just in case your date is worthy of coming in for a nightcap, it is always good to be prepared. Get your hand vacuum and clean up all the cheerios from the floor and your bed. Remove the cars and legos from the couch creases. Change your sheets so it doesn’t smell like your kid’s butt. Dating after having a baby means removing toy cars, stuff and animals, and any other type of toy that might be in your bed 😉
WHAT IS GOING ON TRYING TO DATE AFTER A BABY?
When going on a date after having kids, knowing what’s going on in the world other then you are almost out of toilet paper is a good thing. You do not need to act like some worldly philosopher, but if you are anything like me who never even knows what day it is, keeping in tune with the rest of the world is a pretty good idea. Well, that’s unless you think he would love to hear about the toddler tantrum with red gummy bears incident that happened earlier.
Hopefully, if you are going a date first time after having a baby you feel a bit more prepared 🙂
What else did I miss?
<3 Hot Mess