My Birthday Abroad- Cruising the Sydney Harbor with a Christian Stripper

It recently was my birthday. You know, that day most people do not like celebrating after a certain age. I am getting old and I know it. I JUST know it!!!!!  I naturally feel much older? More Mature?  Ehh..That might be pushing it.  My thoughts have changed, my priorities, everything really the past few years.  It has been a slow journey molding into this new chapter of my life I  have appropriately labelled “Almost 30”

All the signs are there…

• I now would consider dating a guy who is 40
• I really do think about the weather
• Dating a guy who has kids is no longer an issue
• I pause a minute or two before changing the channel on an infomercial on anti-ageing skin care products
• Most of my friends are posting pictures of their babies instead of nightclub photos
• I no longer recognize any of my girlfriends’ last names because they are all married
• I rarely feel like drinking anymore due to the massive 2 day hangover it now causes
• I am exhausted and ready for bed by 9pm
• My metabolizing has already retired
• I listen to talk radio and current events on they way to work instead of music
• I look forward to a relaxing weekend to get things done

Those are all my personal tale tell signs of getting older, and I am perfectly okay with it:)

Anyone who knows me knows I am a complete weirdo about my birthday. I get extremely depressed each year, I cry.. a lot, and I always end up getting upset about something or another. I am talking from the time I was a baby up until now, this has happened year after year.  As a kid I am sure it was because my friends never wanted to play the games I wanted to play. As a young adult I am sure it had to do with some boy a had a crush on. But, still 28 years later I am still struggling and for all new reasons. After much contemplating on trying to figure why the heck I do this as an adult, I have realized birthday time = annual life review time. Just like your employer does

Just like your employer conducts annual employee reviews, I do it to myself every year around my birthday. Some years I am more content with my life than others, some I am pretty hard on myself. It’s just the good old question every year, “Is this how I pictured my life being like?”

I felt different this year trying while reflect on my life, and different in a good way. I felt quite satisfied with where I am in life this year-  my job, school, home and my friends… everything just feels right. I think the biggest impact has to be coming from the fact.. that I am in fact, living in Australia, when it has always just been a dream on my birthday. And now it’s reality.

How can I beat up on myself this year? Exactly, I’m not.

My Birthday in Real Time

Good Morning!!! Time to turn into an old hag!!

I woke up actually like it was any normal day and refreshed- not swearing at surfer baby Jesus for the new found wrinkles found by my eyes. Most years I was up extremely depressed, but nope not this year. I received some unexpected texts from unexpected people already by the time I looked at my phone and I could of not asked for a better way to start my birthday. But then it was time for that whole “work thing”.  Working on my birthday, what bollucks! 🙂

 I arrived at work to all my coworkers being the awesome people they are showering me with birthday wishes. My team of girls treated me out for a delicious birthday lunch stuffing dim sum in our faces. I have never had this! Why?? Why have I never had this? It was amazing. Lunch was followed by a free birthday espresso shot from a nice cafe downstairs, and a delicious red velvet cake that we shared in the office.

Once the workload was done for the day, the girls and myself headed down the street for some birthday drinks. They choose a place called Palmer and Co, which had a 1920’s prohibition type theme going on. The drinks were delicious (and expensive) and tailored to the theme. I ordered the “Between the Sheets” but should have been called “Whiskey!!!!!!” Oh my lanta was it strong, deceiving for being in such a cute glass. It was nice to be able to sit and chat with all the girls in the office for hours. I never get tired of hearing people’s views on California or answering their questions.

No, everyone in America is not crazy religious, No, everyone in America doesn’t play with guns every day. Ayyeeeee 😉

My birthday in California Time (but in Australia)

I was very unsure what to try and organize for my birthday, due to the lack of friends that were in town this winter and being very low on funds. I googled some things I like.. like “boats”, and “pub crawls”, and a boating pub crawl popped up! Go Figure. And I decided “HELLLLLLL yeaaaaaa, let’s see what this baby is all about“.

Myself, my roomie, and 4 of my guy friends (yes, all who I have met from online sites… and most prior to moving here. Seeee, I told you they work for friends 🙂 We all met up at the boat, The FUNBOAT, to prepare for this unknown fun day ahead. Of course they all begin by yelling at me for not bringing any girls, but I told them, Hey! I am sure there will be plenty on the boat…..

HA! WELL…….

As we walk on the boat and I start to look for the check in, I already have people calling my name in pure excitement that I am on board. I thought wow, umm.. I know I am cool but geez people. Seconds later I came to find out, everyone acting delighted about my arrival really had nothing to do with me personally.. but it had 100 percent to do with the fact I WAS THE ONLY GIRL ON THE BOAT. Apparently, the other 2 groups that booked the pub crawl with us were bachelor parties!! Soo, there I am, with my group of guy friends, and 30 other random Aussies on this boat of fun.

We all sat down as the MC began his introductions and briefing us on this, what would turn into being,  a very interesting day. Tshirt and pens were handed out for us all to mark up and pretty much look like idiots. I personally, think I did an astonishing job of drawing male body parts on each of my guy friends back 🙂 After the lunch BBQ was served on the boat, the MC came up to me with a bit of a dilemma. He felt bad that there were no women for the bachelor parties and asked if I could do him a favor.. immediately I was like,

After the lunch BBQ was served on the boat, the MC came up to me with a bit of a dilemma. He felt bad that there were no women for the bachelor parties and asked if I could do him a favor.. immediately I was like, where is he going with thissssss?????? I was a bit worried for a sec, but he just ended up asking me if it would be okay with me for us to make a pit stop to pick up a stripper, so the boys can enjoy some girl entertainment on their special day. I naturally started laughing in relief he wasn’t asking me to do anything stupid so and of course agreed that it was fine.

It was their bachelor parties for goodness sake.

I sure as hell wasn’t going to be the entertainment!!

15 minutes later we pulled into the dock to pick up this anxiously awaited stripper. She got on the boat and right away I could tell this was going to be a very interesting next half hour. Her body said sexy woman, her face said tranny, and her words said she was a Christian, so no pictures allowed. Hmmm? SURE. I find it interesting the first person to say they were religious in Australia was a stripper? Something is not right there…

Now see, I was under the impression we scooped up the stripper for the guys only to get the entertainment.. yikes, was I wrong. The MC set up 3 seats in the middle of the boat where, the bachelor’s and myself sat awaiting their entertainment and what would soon to be my pure embarrassment. It has been a very very very long time since I have seen a stripper and I was worried what I had just agreed to. She made me take off her bra with only one hand (which was awesome! I can barely take off my own bra with TWO hands!) and then started molesting my face with her big boobs. I am keeping the details of this to a minimum, but lets just say, it was something. Luckily for me she spent most of the time teasing the guys…mostly. All in all, it was uhhhhh, fun!?! After the show was over, random guys from the bachelor parties kept coming up to our table and giving me buckets of beer they bought as a way to say thank you for being such a good sporter. From there on out, our whole group began our pub crawl going to a few bars located in the Rocks area where we continued to drink. I tried ordering my normal shots that I would have on my birthday like kamikaze and red headed

After the show was over, random guys from the bachelor parties kept coming up to our table and giving me buckets of beer they bought as a way to say thank you for being such a good sport. From there on out, our whole group began our pub crawl going to a few bars located in The Rocks area where we continued to drink.

After an hour at each bar, it was time to head back on the boat and head home. To say that the boat was a pure shit show on the way home would be an understatement. But at least I got to dance and get some pictures looking ridiculous like I do in just like every year. Hot Mess was able to make a small appearance 🙂 Sooo… yeah, motorboating on a boat, not quite how I thought I would spend my birthday, but still marvelous nonetheless.

Thank you all again for the birthday love

I am officially 29 until further notice!!! 🙂

<3 Hot Mess